Conception

Haven't written much in a while. Haven't been really busy either, theres just been nothing to say.

Officer Selection Board for the army, they say I'd make a fantastic sergeant, but they'll take me as a lieutenant anyway.

A failed saut-de-bras and painful lesson in managing acute injuries. Ideas about movement and body coordination, practice and learning. A talk with Animal about pain, fear and confidence.

A class on predator dynamics, criminal mindset and legal concerns. A gathering of incredibly skilled martial artists (and me) screaming and charging and brawling and dealing with the pre and post-fight scenarios. Primitive thought, ferocity and zanshin. Good fun.

A bench and a dip station and 7ft precisions between them. Why not outside the gym? So many mental blocks... I'll get over them.

Jumping with your hips, keep your gut tight. Don't receive with your legs, lower your pelvis. It's like learning to walk again.

Looking forward to studying because you want to know, want to understand. The exam is irrelevant.

The confusion of relationships and the cacophony of feelings and realizing that so little of it matters because I am just so damn happy anyway.

The bliss of exhaustion, of collapsing and leaving a shadow of sweat behind. The joy of undiluted, hard pain. The drive of a tough challenge; and the delight of success or the lessons failure. How could anyone want to give it up?